A List of 'ings'
by Buttamellow
Summary: She should hate him, she supposes. That’s what any normal girl in her situation would do.


**A List of –ings**

_Buttamellow (aka Punkin)_

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

She should hate him, she supposes. That's what any normal girl in her situation would do. She doesn't owe him anything; _he's_ the one who left her after all. She thinks she could hate him if she concentrates enough. He's irritating, frustrating, brooding, and probably any other '-ing' she can come up with. It also doesn't help matters that his hair sticks on end at every angle. Quite distracting. Another '-ing' to add to the list.

He's aggravating too. She realizes that aggravating is quite like frustrating and irritating, but she doesn't care. She mentally adds the word to the list as she continues to reason with herself as to why she _should _hate him. Any '-ing' words will do.

Annoying. Yes, annoying. She remembers how annoying she found it when he talked back to Snape, receiving yet another detention. And, she reminds herself, detention time always took away from…

_No_, she admonishes. _Don't think of that. You're to hate him, remember?_

He was always so good at convincing her to do something. Convincing. He convinced her that he cared. He convinced her that broom cupboards were the best place for kissing. No wait, she stops herself, she was the one that convinced him into that one. A hot blush infuses her cheeks as she remembers several fond moments spent alone in cupboards. Cupboards that were warm and dark and small…

_Oh bloody stop it! You're_ supposed_to be making a list of why you hate him _not_ why you…_

She stops mid-thought. Convincing. He convinced her that it was safer if they no longer dated. He convinced her that it was better if they stayed apart. He convinced her to stay behind.

A tight knot painfully forms in her throat and her eyes, for some unknown reason, begin to burn. It hurts her to breathe, her chest constricting in order to stop her heart from beating…for him.

_The list_, she reminds herself as she swipes at the tears in her eyes. _Concentrate on the list._

He's daring in a have-to-save-the-world-hero-complex-must-be-right sort of way. She convinces herself that she finds it annoying that he has to _always _save the day. That the whole 'hero' thing really is rather maddening. A normal boyfriend would be so much simpler. Who wants a boyfriend that has saved their life, after all?

She thinks he's so confusing; she never can make him out. He ignored her for what seemed like ages only to kiss her in front of the whole common room. Quite confusing indeed. And the way he thinks she'll be safe once he's out of her life, confusing _and_ crazy.

Crazy…craz**ing **. He certainly is crazing, driving her insane from time to time. The way he tickled her, refusing to stop until she could no longer breathe due to laughing so hard. The way he'd stare at her for hours, only to look away each time she looked up. The way he'd hide his heart from everyone, bare his soul to no one. The way he'd expect for her to _know_ what was going on in his head without telling her.

He's unreliable-**ing** . She nods resolutely, realizing that unreliable-ing isn't exactly a word, but she doesn't care. This is an '-ing' list; so, unreliable-ing it is. It was so unreliable-**ing** when he didn't tell her he was leaving the castle, she notes. It was even more unreliable-**ing** when he got his sorry arse yet another detention and missed the last Quidditch match of the season.

_We did win the Cup anyway_, a small voice in the back of her head whispers.

She hates his hair, his eyes, his…lips. The way he plays Quidditch, the way he laughs, the way his brow pinches when he's confused. She hates his smile, his goodness, his heart. But most of all, she hates he can't be with her. Oh yes, she hates him.

She hates him, she hates him, she **hates** him.

But oh, when he kisses her, her skin burns. She _feels_ him even when they aren't touching. And when he smiles at her, it reaches his eyes and she feels it in her knees. They were happier together, she believes. He was happier when he was with her, wasn't he?

She tempers her lip for a moment before deciding that this '-ing' list might need a positive part as well. It really wouldn't be fair if she didn't look at both sides of the situation.

Hate _is_ such a strong word, after all.


End file.
